Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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