Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
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This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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