I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
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You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
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I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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