Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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