I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I am naked and annoyed.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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