No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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