Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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