So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
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At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
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You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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