She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize