Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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