I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
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Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
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I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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