chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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