chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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