Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize