Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
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I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
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you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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