a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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