I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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