Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
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he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
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