bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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