11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
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have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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