So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
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He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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