I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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