I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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