the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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