i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
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When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Send help, water and tortillas.
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Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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