You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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