tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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