life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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