Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize