My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize