She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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