i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
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mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
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He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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