can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize