what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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