I think I am morally bankrupt
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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