He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
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I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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