I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
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