This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize