I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize