remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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