Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
did you just send me my own nude
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize