I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
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He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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