Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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