i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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