Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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