how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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