Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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