When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
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Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
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I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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