i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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