If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
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I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
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Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
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